Inoue Kenta

wow it’s has been another week since my last post … so fast … life is short indeed … but i’m spending my time waiting for a sms reply .. listening to Moonlight soNata .. beethoven is pathetic enough to compose this masterpiece … it’s really making people worse instead of getting through of those feelings .. but he was a pathetic guy so this piece reflects him pretty well .. he lived long enough to noe that he is pathetic but died too soon to noe that he’s a legend of all time .. well now i’m feeling pathetic .. they say men have periods too .. hormones thingy .. if that’s true then i think i’m having it now .. it feels jus like a blinded people who was given only 30seconds to see how the world is turning into and then be blinded again for the rest of his life .. haha i love to crap things like this .. it shows the pathetic side of me .. i’m paradoxic and i dono why .. sometimes i want it my way but sometimes i want it to be your way .. i’m not talking bout decisions to be made though .. i’m talking bout something very subjective ..something that i wanna keep it secret .. my fingers keep typing what my brain is not telling them to do .. i think i have this aura that keeps me typing everytime my fingers are on the keyboard … i heard someone calling me from outside jus now .. it happened twice but i saw no one .. not even any ghost .. it sounds like a friend of mine but he’s not around for sure .. and i thought i heard sms alert ringing ..but again .. nope it’s not .. it’s just my imagination .. i think my blog is the cure for imsomnia .. if you keep reading my posts .. u need no medication to get a good night sleep .. believing ur eyes is better than believing ur ears ..but believing your “feel” is better than believing ur eyes and ears .. “feel” leads to trust .. trust leads to unity .. unity leads to happiness .. happiness leads to opague truths (sometimes) … opague truth requires you to use your eyes .. and by then believing ur eyes is better than believing ur ears .. so i guess it’s just a cycle .. this world is so balanced they say .. if there’s a positive charge.. there’s a negative charge .. if there’s pretty things sure there’ll be ugly things .. but there’s one thing is so imbalanced inside me ..  anyhow i’m getting my salary few more days to go so i think it’s starting to balance up .. haha .. wanna go out to take some fresh air .. maybe i’ll be bac in a week .. see you yah ! wait for me yah ! … nah … maybe u don havta wait .. coz nowadays most of us are so impatient .. we thought we can get more by letting a second of our life to slip off over something that is too important that we din even notice and instead on something not so important that we think is too important for us .. end of the day .. as we are figuring out seconds by seconds that we spent for something important that we finally realised that it has never been any crucial at all .. then that is the time when we starts to grow .. i think i can keep on writing all these craps .. maybe i wanna write a book someday ..i’m too lazy right now .. it’s a rainy silent night .. so i should keep queit already now .. tah-tah ..

why am i writing this blog ? not so sure bout that .. but one thing for sure tonite is pretty empty .. tomorrow is my off day .. supposingly feeling great .. but i’m not .. damn home alone now .. nothing’s going on .. jus me and this pc that i’m using .. feel like a ghost right now … casper maybe .. kinda missing my home ..cny only going bac .. i’m seeing everyone everyday but i’m still thinking .. where is everyone ?? fun to live all by myself now .. making all decisions by myself .. doing what i wanna do .. but at the same time .. it’s kinda tough too … to be independent is quite a big deal .. i jus wish my parents can give me money to spend .. keke but i think maybe now i’m not that young anymore .. perhaps it’s time for me to support myself .. asking for money is not so practical anymore ..  gotta know how to spend my salary wisely ..my expenditure .. my food .. my lodging .. only how much per day that i can spend etc etc .. but still reminiscing those days where i can easily get rm100 in my pocket with jus few words .. maybe student life is not that bad at all .. spending PTPTN loan was fun .. haha  .. luckily i’ll be a student again in a month ..i’m working but i feel wasted .. my job doesnt require much of what i have .. but requires more than who i am .. today i watched “Body of Lies” .. it was a good movie .. really had an impact on me .. i dono why but i felt paranoid after watching it .. maybe the stupid super “kao” coffee shrinks my vains and i was out of air .. leonardo di caprio was struggling so hard to survive .. and i suddenly felt the same way … that was why i was paranoid i assume .. but nevertheless .. how i felt has nothing to do with paranoid .. i love watching leonardo’s movies .. “Catch Me if You Can” was my favourite one .. it’s about a true story of a conman, Frank Abagnale who made millions out of cheques fraud and a man who impersonated as a lawyer, pilot and a doctor before his 19th birthday .. that was awesome but you shouldnt be thinking that ” oh, i think i’ve got a career plan” after watching the movie .. Frank Abagnale was a criminal back then although now he’s a fraud cases consultant .. anyhow , kinda lost this week .. no place to go .. nothing to do .. no new friends .. no visitors .. nothing .. wasted my youth at workplace … i love to work under pressure .. but my job is kinda relaxing .. my brain is getting slower nowadays .. and my legs love to cramp .. hopefully it’s not indicating that i’m getting stroke .. maybe i’m just too tired sometimes … like now .. so i’m going to sleep now .. goodnight ..

i packed my bag .. and i look at my face …

i feel a little bit older ..a little bit older ..

i took a deep breath .. i walked a big step …

i moved a little bit closer … just a little bit closer ..

reasons ?? … unknown ..

my eyes .. they dont see …

they dont see the way it used to be ..

and my heart .. they are not beating the way it used to ..

my lips … they dont kiss they way it used to …

my eyes dont recognise you no more ..

reasons ?? … unknown ..

if destiny is kind .. i could have see the rest of my mind ..  ^^

啊 。。。 我终于做工了 。。。

做了四天 。。 好像不错  。。 认识了很多人 。。他们都对我很好 。。。

不过 。。。 时间过得很慢 。。 可能是我自己找来的 。。。

一天做工总共已经九小时 。。。 我还早进工半小时 。。。

啊~~ 好久啊 。。。 踏进店后就得呆九小时 。。。

连早上生的青春痘在放工时也熟了 。。。

在TOPSHOP做工很爽 。。。 但是很累 。。。

感觉上就像你又热又口渴 。。。但是你只得吹冷气 。。。 不得喝水 。。

TOPSHOP给我这种感觉  。。

我在TOPSHOP卖女人服装 。。。 也包括了怀孕服装和猛的内裤 。。。

那些内裤我都通通摸过了 。。。 因为是我排整齐的 。。。

也有可能因为我摸过了 。。。 所以现在有promotion 。。。

买两套扣二十巴仙 。。。

做工有很多事情发生 。。。

就像今天。。 有一个很美丽的印尼华侨 。。。 和两个朋友一起试衣服 。。。

我却不知道 。。 当他两个朋友出来后 。。。

我以为没人在里面了 。。。

所以我去收拾 。。。 怎知我一拉开布 。。。 就有一阵尖叫声 。。。

原来她还在试衣 。。 就看到了她穿着内衣而已 。。。

我就兴奋又害羞又被吓地对她说对不起 。。。

还好她以性感的声音说没关系 。。。 可能这不是她第一次中过 。。。

我的朋友很兴奋地一直问我 。。 “有看到吗？有看到吗？大吗？”

唉 。。。 还好她当时还穿着内衣 。。。不然我眼睛可能生”bakchiam”了 。。

我一进工就得两件free的TOPMAN衣服 。。。开心无比 。。。

因为我一路来都很喜欢TOPMAN的衣服 。。。但是买不起 。。。

哈哈 。。。 做工后我心里的空虚也渐渐地减少 。。。

但是我还不肯定是什么原因 。。。

可能工作忙吧 。。。 或者是认识到的新朋友吧。。。 还是因为我看中了一个女生 。。

还是因为薪水高 。。 还是因为我喜欢PAVILLION 。。。

我也不懂 。。。需要一点时间 。。。

每天走路最少两公里 。。。被跟黑人齐LRT 。。。 （对不起，我是宗族歧视的人） 。。。

被在一小时半前出门。。。 被每晚吃MAMAK 。。。

但是 。。。 我开心就对了 。。。

such a sunny day today … so maroon 5 is wrong .. ==" it’s always sunny when i’m not doin the laundry stuffs .. just nice .. both dudes are still sleeping after passing out last night .. so i cooked maggi to keep my stomach quiet … and i just realised how much i miss maggi … people think maggi is not good .. it kills .. but what’s the point of living if u are thinking of death in everything u do ?  death is inevitable .. and it’s not for us to decide when .. u may not eat maggi for your entire life but you may die earlier than maggi consumer .. maybe die getting bumped by a car while crossing the road … get stucked in a robbery in the bank and get shot in the head while u are trying to settle ur bills … get robbed and stabbed on the way to carrefour to buy some healthy food .. coz u think maggi is killing u ..oh my god .. sometimes things are just beyond our control .. and nothing can save u from it … in the end no matter how hard u tried .. these things will happen nonetheless .. haha … we are modern slaves .. most of us lost our point of views .. listening to rumors … believing in big fat juicy lies … coming out from the mouth of the ones u trusted .. loved .. or even worshipped .. so convincing .. that they become facts eventually .. as a result .. we have faith in ourselves … we have confidence in ourselves .. but not because of what we hold inside us .. but rather … what we hear from others … sad but true .. haha as a matter of fact .. at this particular second reading this blog u are also ‘analytically’ challenged .. u maybe thinking what i’m saying is right .. what i’m telling u is true .. am i telling u the real thing ? i don even know .. at this point u will confuse urself … either trying to convince ur mind to believe in something u dont even know … or refuse to believe and being ignorance … or maybe u think that u already know .. so u don even try to understand .. do u really know ? only now u start to think … things are not as simple as how our eyes and ears perceived .. we need to work out things with our brains .. we always love what people tell us what we want to listen .. instead of telling us the right thing … what we don wan to listen .. are normally the truth .. and sometimes being the one telling the truth .. is the devil in the listener’s eye .. oh well i finished my maggi .. am i killing myself ? yes … haha but just wanna tell you a big secret that u’ve seen it with ur eyes ..not with ur brain .. is that .. We ArE All KiLLinG oUrseLveS !

When You were here beFore …
cOuld’nt look You in the eye …
You’re Just like an aNgel ..
Your skin makes me cry …
Float liKe a feather …
In a beautiful world …
i wish i was special …
so verY special …
but i’m a creep …
i’m a weirdO …
what the hell i’m doinG here ..
i don’t belong here …
don’t care if it Hurts ….
i just wanna have control …
want a perfect bodY …
want a perfEct soul …
i want You to notice …
when i’m not around …
so verY special …
i wish i was special …
but i’m a creep …
i’m a weirdo …
what the hell i’m doing here …
i don belong here …
she’s running out again …
she’s running out …
she runs … runs … runs … runs …
whateever makes you happy ..
whatever you want …
you’re so very special …
i wish i was special …
but i’m a creep …
i’m a weirdo ..
what the hell i’m doing here …
i don’t belong here …
i don’t belong here …

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man,

play a song for me, I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to. Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you. Though I know that evenin’s empire has returned into sand, Vanished from my hand, Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping. My weariness amazes me, I’m branded on my feet, I have no one to meet And the ancient empty street’s too dead for dreaming.

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man,

play a song for me, I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to. Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you. Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin’ ship, My senses have been stripped, my hands can’t feel to grip, My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels To be wanderin’. I’m ready to go anywhere, I’m ready for to fade Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way, I promise to go under it. Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to.

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man,

play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you. Though you might hear laughin’, spinnin’, swingin’ madly across the sun, It’s not aimed at anyone, it’s just escapin’ on the run And but for the sky there are no fences facin’. And if you hear vague traces of skippin’ reels of rhyme To your tambourine in time, it’s just a ragged clown behind, I wouldn’t pay it any mind, it’s just a shadow you’re Seein’ that he’s chasing.

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man,

play a song for me, I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to. Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you. Then take me disappearin’ through the smoke rings of my mind, Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves, The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach, Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow. Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man,

play a song for me, I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to. Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you.

i look into empty thoughts all the time …

i’m seeing a bleak future sometimes …

i stare at my despair all the time ..

i’m lost sometimes …

i carry a heavy heart most of the time …

i bring people down sometimes …

i listen to what my eyes tell me most of the time ..

i’m not thinking sometimes …

i speak before my brain analyse most of the time …

i’m paradoxic sometimes …

i’m not doing what i like most of the time …

i enjoy them sometimes …

i’m not good in cheering myself up most of the time …

i make people laugh sometimes …

i thought things will get better after i wake up most of the time ..

i dont think so sometimes …

i’m stuck in a dark tunnel most of the time …

i live my life to the fullest sometimes …

i feel empty most of the time …

i get the things i want sometimes  …

i dont get things that i need most of the time …

i think i knew it all sometimes …

i’m wrong most of the time …

sometimes …

most of the time …

i’m here for already 2 weeks … luckily there’s nothing wrong here … not that hard for me to adapt .. just that i had a culture shock staying here … this is the first time i saw so many same skin chicks and dudes around me in school … before that in aimst i consider myself an indian already … have been attending classes for 2 weeks too … not much going on in school … in fact not many friends in school … doesnt feel like talking to anyone in school … but i really wanna talk …. maybe it’s the environment but i’m sure it’s the people … as soon as i’m back at home … i feel normal again … i can talk what i want … i can do what i feel like doing … that’s the point of home for me … i can 100% be myself … with my dearly band mates around me … it feels  better than heaven … if there’s one … i always feel that my friends reflects who i am … and that’s why i dont ‘follow the flow so smoothly’ … dog smells the route to their food … they dont look randomly for their food … i love being around with my friends … and i enjoy every single second being with them … we can share ups and downs together … i think it’s important that we have a place for us to wind out our issues and ‘get our ass bouncing off the walls when we get downsome’ … but if we don wish to share those issues … but at the same time …it’s important that we know how to voice out … some people are not good in voicing out their problems … or maybe they feel it’s inappropriate to share it among friends … well that’s totally fine .. but at least if we have decided to keep it a secret .. than it should be a secret … never pull the problems from deep inside the place u wish to keep those problems to the face … dont expect friends to analyse interpretations from your face … it’s like u’re craving for sympathy … it’s kinda pathetic to crave for sympathy …  just voice out … voice out …voice out … please … make the world a better place for everyone … there are people who are ready to help … if u could just voice out … for whatever shit that is congesting ur heart and mind … and among friends i think we should be frank and straight forward to each others … coz friends aint mysteries solver or possess wateva psychic sense … the best way for people to know someone is to let people to noe u … hav a nice day ..

‘Sesungguhnya berjudi tu suatu lumrah kurniaan kita sesame manusia…dan ganjaran yang kita dapat tu memang kita dapat’…. Baris 28, ayat 2, muka surat 7, Hairy Potter dan Prizoner of Tunabun…. Itulah sedutan buah pikiran dari intelek judi yg kini jutawan… terbuktilah judi tu smemangnya satu amalan yg baik…pernah raja judi habak …kita owang dok kat dunia nih kalo xjudi tengok, ha hang tau la……jadi judi nih 100% penting…sebenaknye, judi boleh dikatakan satu bidang kerja yang amat menguntongkan…pertamanye sebab xkena income tek!! Kita xperlu bayak cukai bagi keuntongan judi….Eh eh mak oi hak tu satu kelebihan…ganjaran berganda beb! Macam kort mammoth…beli kerusi percuma lori yang angkat kerusi tu! Gong xi fa cai…pastu judi boleh membantu pembinaan minda yang cergas dan otak yang aktif dari segi pengiraan matematik dan juga cara penstrategian di samping memupuk teknik management yg mantap lagi menceriakan…seterusnya membantu tumbesaran tulang kaki dan tangan dan juga otot-otot terutamanya otot mata, peparu, hati, tangan dan kaki (pro xdok judi,depa berdiri dan merokok atau minum, gaya sikit), lepaih tu ia juga merangsang tumbesaran masalah rumahtangga dan masalah kewangan yang mungkin membawa kepada silaturahim yang akrab ngan ahlong-ahlong ….kalo ade nasib…kita jugak berkemungkinan bertemu ngan ahlong kreatif yang tolong grafitti umah kita kadang2…mengharumkan umah kita di sesebuah taman dan sejurus tu menjana ekonomi sesebuah negara yang ingin mencapai objektif ‘dok dan tunggu mati’… kalo ikut kajian saintifik yang dilakukan kat Universiti Pertanian Oxford…sebelah otak blakang pejudi lebih pesat dari lembu normal…kira-kira 37.6% lebih pesat…ini bermakna pejudi-pejudi mempunyai mentality yang lebih tinggi daripada lembu…nih fakta nih…aku xtipu…kalo xcaye… angpa bleh buat observation… dari suatu sudut di mana penjudi tu menghala ke kanan, kanan tau…kiri xleh… ang boleh nampak blakang kepala pejudi tu cem lebam sikit…dia tu bukan cem bonggol…tapi awak boleh nampak ia macem…payah nak habak nih… adelah cem roti bom terlekat kat blakang kpalanye…atau lebih kuwang same ngan kepala ahpang… Cuma kpala ahpang tu lebih besak…kalo pejudi tu sepeng ha kesannye lebih jelas sikit…di samping tu, berjudi nih dapat menghilangkan stress…dewase ni kan…kehidupan kita penuh ngan kerungsingan…khuatir,kesangsian dan tekanan terutamanya mengenai perkara perkara serius yang melanda dunia kita..contohnye, bila hari akan kiamat, pemanasan global, kenapa dinner plate KFC yang kita nak take away kadang kala tak disertakan sos tomato tapi cuma sos cili…kerenah kawan2 ajak insuran dan produk CNI…bila nak tidur…mana nak makan…kenape stoking kena pakai dua-dua belah, knapa ahbeng wujud kat dunia ni, knapa fizik aku xleh improve lagi dah , kenapa R&B dan hiphop digemari ramai, macam mana nak habis berak dulu baru kencing dan banyak lagi kesulitan kita hadapi…kita bimbang suma nih…kita ingin menjauhi suma nih…kita manusia nih kan ade sifat slalu ingin tahu atau orang barat kata curiosity, yang membawa kemajuan kepada seseorang individu tapi ia turut menjurus kpd stress… mujurlah ade aktiviti berjudi nih…ia mampu mengetepikan seketika suma problem yang kita hadapi…bila kita menang, ia dapat mewujudkan suasana yg menggembirakan, mengasyikan dan menyedari kita suma betapa syoknye dunia kita… tapi bila kalah tu lain cerita lah… TETAPI!! Dengak sini, judi kalo kita xpikiak benda benda burok..kita xkan kalah…ini aku dengak kat penjudi yang bijaksana lah..dia memang bijak..… dan skrang dia nih dah kaya….kaya ngan masalah hutang….judi tu boleh dijadikan satu profesion… baru-baru ni, ade satu institute yang menawarkan degree phD dalam judi…ia terletak di padang ragut New Zealand…ini bermakna profesion judi dah melangkah ke satu tahap lebih tinggi dan kian mustahak dalam kehidupan kita…banyak pemuda pemuda dah ade rancangan nak pi genting cuba nasib lepaih depa mencapai umur 21tahun… menurut statistic Jabatan Pertanian juga…calon2 nak pi cuba nasib kat sana sebab mereka nak didedahkan kpd alam perjudian dan seterusnya menbina satu tapak asas yang kukuh bagi kerjaya mereka di masa akan datang…ini terbukti apabila lembu jantan yang sedang makan rumput tiba2 berak warna kuning…kuning nih warna emas….justeru ini menunjukkan masa depan yang cerah menyerah dalam profesion judi…Malahan, kalo kita tengok lebih jauh lagi…. Katakan seseorang tu dah ade wang dah…dan mempunyai keluarga…tapi nak kaya lagi…xkan Cuma nak bergantung kat gaji kerja semata-mata kan…. Mana boleh kaya kalo kita tunggu mati-mati gaji kita saje…Mesti kita kena dengan pandainye buat planning untuk untung lebih banyak duit… cari downline ker jadi ahlong ker …suka hati la… tapi ini juga masanye anda boleh melabur kat kegiatan judi ni secara proaktif dan pandai…berjudi ni dia sebenaknya bukan bergantung kepada nasib tau…ha… boleh kaya punya kalo judi…ia makan otak jugak…awak boleh menentukan nasib sendiri kalo anda bijak….persoalannya…sape yang lebih bijak?? sape yang kaya akhirnye?? Kasino atau penjudi? Banyak yang percaya depa boleh menang…aku xde jawapan la…nak tau pi bli buku sastera dan cari bahagian persoalan…kesimpulannye… kalo nak judi, anda slalu dialu-alukan….harimau mana yang xsuka lembu sebagai makanan kan…ha…. kita owang pi kasino kalo owang nampak ia dapat meningkatkan status kita lagi…sebab owang akan ingat kita nih kaya dan ade class dalam masyarakat…dan secara tidak langsung, kita nampak lebih hemsem, berkemampuan, bertenaga dan suma pompuan akan suka kat hang…ha! apa tunggu lagi?!! Pi judi la skrang…. Judi sampai tinggal IC saje dalam dompet dan dok bersila kat pintu kasino sambil pikiak nak bunoh diri lagi macho!!! Untuk infomasi anda, kat alok stak ade bas pi genting tiak tiak malam… samade perfect tour atau antar holiday… pi la kunjung mana2 satu kedai…hAdiah misteri menanti anda…GAMBLE FOR LIFE!!